He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize