Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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