dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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