Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
