does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
