So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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