im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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