Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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