My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
