She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
