I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
