Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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