Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
