I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
