so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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