I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I looked at my own cervix.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
