I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
