i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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