TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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