i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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