Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
