im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
