I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
