fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
