I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
