You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
