where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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