he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
