Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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