yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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