It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
