he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
