dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and she was petting her beer can
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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