I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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