it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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