Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
