new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
