so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
