How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
