god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
