The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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