We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need moral support for this bender
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
