"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
