I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
