when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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