fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
