It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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