she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we're making bets on your personal life
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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