All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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