Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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