So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
