i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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