Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Terrible idea I love it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
