I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
