it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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