you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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