I cannot find my penis.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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