no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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