JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
