the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
