Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
