You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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