proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
