im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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