guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize