i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
