Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize