they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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