I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
