On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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