So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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