Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
