I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
