i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize