i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Randomize