Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
