Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
