you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
