So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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