My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
