I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I party with great urgency now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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