have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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