ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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