Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
