There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Found the puke drawer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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