All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i think my cat just said my name.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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