"it" just moved
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
