Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
