are you still at the devil's house?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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