I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
