You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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