HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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