You made me cry and you don't even care
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
