I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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