party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
