How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
