i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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