remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
