Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
