Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
