Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
operation have a gay friend backfired
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
