Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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