covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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