Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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