I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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