I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
