4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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