To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
